I only wanted to be a dad

Living in despair, my life almost meaningless
Slouched upon a chair, my flat in a right mess
Cans empty everywhere, how did it get to this
My wife doesn’t care, for she lives in happiness

Six months ago this day I arrived home from work
With a man, she did lay, I nearly went berserk
My children kept at bay, while she was with this jerk
I just couldn’t stay, I went to my friend Kirk

I’ve been back lots of times, and knocked softly on the door
She wouldn’t let me see my children, frustrated, I let a roar
The police ordered me to leave, and not come back no more
A barring order against me instigated by her

She called up to Kirk’s house but I wouldn’t let her in
“I’m going to clean you right out.” she said with a sly grin
I really felt like punching her, which I’ve never done before
Kirk stood in front of me and pushed me in the door

Six months since I’ve seen my kids, I wonder are they bigger
The thoughts of seeing them has stopped me pulling the trigger
Suicidal thoughts ravaging, but comforting the pain
The love for my children is all that keeps me sane

The judge gave me access, a few months ago
When I went to get my children my ex said, “No!”
We’ve been back to court since, She said I didn’t turn up
I said she was lying, but I was told to shut up

Access to my children the judge gave me again
The judgment wasn’t worth, the ink from his pen
She ignored the order with her newfound friend
I went to the authorities, and was told she didn’t offend

My esteem is getting lower every single day
Can I take on this system? No bloody way!
The in camera rule, concealing the foul play
The only thing a father can do is pray, pray, pray

I only want to be a dad to my tiny little kids
He’s getting all the joy and they aren’t even his
I don’t know what drove her to torture me like this
I ask in prayer nightly, please let me see my kids

There’s no point on going on, with a battle I can’t win
My mother once told me suicide is a mortal sin
The lights are getting dimmer, the tablets are kicking inI only wanted to be a dad to my little children

John Hayden
18th September 2007
Email: haydenjohn66@gmail.com